CHILDREN'S SOUP FOR THE SINGLE SOUL
The kind of men I've been blessed, or cursed (depending on what season I am in and what they've done right or wrong) to have encountered can be described in the context of acronyms--HHWW, TNT, SOB, and as declared by the Guinness Book of World Records to be the world's longest acronym,
NIIOMTPLABOPARMBETZHELBETRABSBOMONIMONKONOTDTEKHSTROMONT (as found from the Concise Dictionary of Soviet Terminology, which translates to "The laboratory for shuttering, reinforcement, concrete and ferroconcrete operations for composite-monolithic and monolithic constructions of the Department of the Technology of Building-assembly operations of the Scientific Research Institute of the Organization for building mechanization and technical aid of the Academy of Building and Architecture of the USSR").
A jargon of their own. But apart from a particular context, meaningless. They come stringed, punctuated or not, initialized, abbreviated or assimilated. Annoying but has a purpose.
And so it is fascinating the first time I heard these guys whose work I borrow below. I thought, wow, scorned angry men and no abstractions about it. Candid and honest without being pathetically syrupy about it. That's something new. My kind of men.
I've yet to read about their demography, politics and psychology so I beg your indulgence. I am merely basing these from what I've heard on their other tracks. No painted whitewashed paradise. More like overcast to stormy skies. The female face isn't even painted well in some instances but still I am drawn to listen.
There is so much to relate to. For one, I feel like I am the reason for those songs coming to existence. You can sue me if you think otherwise. But if you too are single, full-blooded, biologically female, and all-too-100%-complex-wanting-simplicity, you are free to relate.
So from A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S. to ABC soup. It's not sweet. It isn't supposed to be. Some salt, some spice. Comfort food. Childlike joy floating on warm, clear, light perspective. Have some. It's rainy out there.
Must Get Out.Maroon5.I’ve been the needle and the threadWeaving figure eights and circles round your headI try to laugh but cry insteadPatiently wait
to hear the words you’ve never saidFumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking forTry to guide me in the right directionMaking use of all this timeKeeping everything insideClose my eyes and
listen to you cryI'm lifting you upI'm letting you downI'm dancing till dawnI'm fooling aroundI'm not giving upI'm making your loveThis city's made us crazy and we must get outThis is
not goodbye she saidIt is
just time for me to rest my headShe does not walk she runs insteadDown these jagged streets and into my bedFumbling through your dresser drawer
forgot what I was looking forTry to
guide me in the right directionMaking use of all this timeKeeping everything insideClose my eyes and listen to you cryI'm lifting you up
I'm letting you downI'm dancing till dawn
I'm fooling aroundI'm not giving upI'm making your loveThis city’s made us crazy and we must get outThere’s only so much I can do for youAfter all of the things you put me through
I'm lifting you upI'm letting you down
I'm dancing till dawnI'm
fooling around
I'm not giving upI'm making your loveThis city’s made us crazy and we must get outI'm lifting you upI'm letting you downI'm dancing till dawnI'm fooling aroundI'm not giving up
I'm making your loveThis city’s made us crazy and we must get out
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Info Source:
http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Acronym
Image Source:
http://images.google.com.ph/imgres?imgurl=http://www.toddparr.com/imgs/gallery/abcsoup.gif
Another thing caught my attention on the WordIQ site.
Check it out. Again us on the map :)
http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Acronyms_in_the_Philippines
H A P P Y.
That's how I am these days. I could still cry over this someone I finally chose to give up but no longer out of despair. I could still cry over work but frustration would no longer be the motivation.
I looked over to where his table is and rejoiced at the thought, finally I can fall again. Fall down hard possibly. Yet find comfort in knowing that it can cause another inch of growth. Or growth spurt.
I paused and thought I've been happy for a whole week now and not exactly because of the possibility of romance but simply because I see myself capable of going through the ugliest and most miserable of feelings and situations, run away almost for dear life and in it all had the courage to go back and face what's seething beneath.
Yes, I am a woman. To my mind going 4o and all things in between.
I am a hammock and a trampoline.
I am company and solitude.
I am power and surrender.
Ah great great to be a woman.
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Image Source: http://images.google.com.ph/imgresimgurl=http://www.toddparr.com/imgs/gallery/abcsoup.gif
OH BROTHERS!
Amazing how songs find their way to you like a child that suddenly climbs up your lap just when you're trying to remember what it is that has just crossed your mind. It's for those moments when there is that that you feel but just couldn't name.
For us who've been there, and are still there, here's an Ira and George Gershwin creation (and I thought they're wife and husband team). They too are responsible for another song that speaks to some lone figures in some dark corners, Someone to Watch Over Me.
Comfort while your hands beat away on keyboards on a night of all work and nothing else in sight.
* *
But Not for Me
They're writing songs of love,
but not for me.
A lucky star's above,
but not for me.
With love to lead the way
I've found more clouds of grey
than any Russian play could guarantee.
I was a fool to fall and get that way;
Heigh-ho! Alas! And also, lack-a-day!
Although I can't dismiss
the mem'ry of his kiss,
I guess he's not for me.
He's knocking on a door,
but not for me.
He'll plan a two by four,
but not for me.
I know that love's a game;
I'm puzzled, just the same,
was I the moth or flame?
I'm all at sea.
It all began so well, but what an end!
This is the time a feller needs a friend,
(this time a girl could sure use a friend)
when ev'ry happy plot ends with the marriage knot,
and there's no knot for me.
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Image1 Source:
http://treasuringmemories.com/images/Die_cuts/My_Minds_Eye/My_hero/Big_hero_star.jpg
This image may be subject to copyright. http://treasuringmemories.com/Die_cuts_pages/MME_My_Hero.htm
Image2 Source:
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0306807394.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
This image may be subject to copyright.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0306807394/geometrynet-21
BLEEDING TO LIFE
I remember one retreat speaker tells us this remark she heard from a man. He says he finds it amazing how women can actually bleed for 5 days and not die. I've got to give him credit for such introspection.
I've got my second day of period. It's a particlarly heavy but none of those terrible pains for once. May be this is why I've this capacity to look at it with grace and seeing red made me realize the power that flows from me as a woman
Even if that cycle means another one less from my resources (there goes another egg down the drain), another could-be life not met, still I am grateful. It is a reminder that I have the gift to help bring life. Maybe not now or not anytime soon but the possibility remains. For now, if there is a resource that I am learning to give birth to, its name is Patience.
A few nights ago, I had this dream. I was trying to go up some uneven thing. It was a difficult climb. I felt my side hurt after. Just then a panic thought came. I am pregnant, I forgot. A life is within and I forgot. I felt all of me suddenly have only thought and concern and love and fear for that which is inside my body. I never thought it could feel as real and as close as that.
I've always feared the thought of carrying another life. For the pain, for the discomfort, for the risks, the could-be tragedies and the what-nows.
But remembering that dream on my way to work, I felt again the power of that feeling within. Dreamt, imagined, hoped for, feared. While it sits inside in silence, it speaks, and breathes and beats at my breast, my womb and my veins and I felt my eyes bleed.
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Image Source: Google.com/www.4girls.gov
BORED, DRAINED AND PAINFULLY SINGLE
It is early evening of Saturday in my time zone. Had to be in the office and that is ok. I've got tons of work I need to finish, work that I like doing and that I believe in. But what is bothersome is this thought that I have no gimick to go to afterwards, no friends available to accompany me not even for a simple movie date or cup of coffee.
But as great single women would have it, there's just too much good attitude to opt for. With the CD-ROM, I suddenly found Spiral Starecase keeping me company and keeping me sane enough to dance the night away in my office cubicle. Then there were the texts for and from my birthday brother.
Me - "So what do you want, a small cake or a small ice-cream?" He's reply -- "of course a big cake and a big ice cream". Cute.
Well still all of the above, toss in hungry but couldn't say I am not grateful.
Original manuscript created
Friday the 13th, 2004
11:46 PM
On the eve of my 33rd Valentine-less Valentine’s Day, I launch this campaign. No, this is not the same environmental cause that Silliman University embarked with Ford or HP Foundation. But it is somehow related. Even if only vaguely. Well for one, it’s about conservation.
RATIONALE: Seahorse is one of those creatures catalogued to be threatened if not fast becoming extinct. It is said to be a most sought after commodity for its medicinal and economic value. But more than these, this aquatic creature possesses great qualities to be admired in this generation of metrosexuals: it is monogamous and it’s the male species that carry the maternal burden.
Now what does it have to do with me? Well, not only to me but to a hundred thousand other single women out there waiting for that one true elusive love. We barf at the thought, so we independent women say, but alone in our room, sick with flu while the rest of coupledom is busy braving the traffic and foolishly being affectionate, we sigh with such sighing even the dead would wake up before judgment day.
In this day and age of halfhearted vows, FFs and KFs and all sorts of intimacy play but no commitment for and during a lifetime, of single, straight and secure men fast disappearing, we can only continue to hold on to our childlike hope and faith. A magnificent, beautiful seahorse waits as I wait.
OBJECTIVES: (1) To devise means by which one’s self will never give up on finding one’s seahorse; (2) To put in mind that oneself is good and deserve no less better than one truly desire for; (3) To never stop in growing as an individual, loving and allowing one’s self to be loved.
STRATEGIES: (1) Create a life outside of the workplace; (2) Renew constantly ties with friends and welcome and even make opportunities for new relationships; (3) Choose wisely the relationships that would be given extra attention, time and consideration, asking if there’s a future with it worth pursuing; (4) Be thankful for all the special though temporary relationships that come and hold it with fondness but not to cling to it.
There are more postings to come. For now, I end with these. For the first time in years, I noticed a lone star outside my window directly across where I lie in bed every night. Next to the window is this glow-in-the-dark star I placed a couple of years back. There were two stars then, a kind of a silent wish for a heart’s desire back then and though there is only one left, still the desire remains. And since I’ve never given up on my childhood, I look now on these two stars that are on my same visual plane, one out there and real though might have already burned light years and light years away and one that’s stuck on my wall glowing after I turn off the lights and dream my dreams.
Happy Valentine’s Day Nanay…I love and miss you still
1:14am
St. Valentine’s Day
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* The beautiful image was sourced from www.barbjanisch.com/ seahorse.html
